A moment for slipshod poetry

My clock radio woke me the other morning with a ho-hum news report about how the cool, wet weather of late has been amenable to the spider population. But what really got my attention was the newsreader's wrap-up quip, "You are usually no more than three feet away from a spider." Well, super. Try to use the snooze button effectively while dwelling on that concept.

But of course that got me thinking about whether the statement was actually true, and who came up with it. From what I can find on the internet, the factoid has been disseminated in part by a children's video. Not exactly National Geographic, but aren't I usually within three feet of a spider anyway (i.e. at least twelve hours a day)? Probably. I get seven hours of spider-proximity just from sleeping, because you know darn well there's a spider somewhere under the bed. Might be really small, but she's there. If there's a spider anywhere in my cubicle at work, then that settles that.

Now some people exaggerate the statement, saying you're never more than three feet away from a spider, which is ridiculous. I think there's people that work in semiconductor fabrication clean rooms who are often quite a fair distance from any spider.

And now this, with no segue whatsoever:

You're never very far from a spider
You're always quite near to a bug
If you're feeling blue
And lonely too
There's a spider around for a hug.

We're entirely surrounded by spiders
They're lurking within every nook
Think you're feeling great?
Consider legs of eight,
And give those bedsheets a look!