Three days of spam

It is time for another spam folder roundup!

My banking information is woefully out of date. My SouthTrust account information needs to be updated. I am told that my PayPal account has been "limited" and "suspended," both events occurring within 40 minutes of one another. Not surprisingly, I'm on my "final warning" -- again -- from eBay. Oddly enough, in the face of all of this astounding neglect on my part, nothing actually seems to ever happen my accounts.

According to the spam I need drugs, deeply discounted software, a lower loan rate, and hot stock tips. I have learned that "Barons [sic] issues strong bi [sic]." This is either an attempt to tout a stock or a tabloid report on British royals. It's hard to tell.

I am receiving spam from Catalina Chung, Humphry Wang, Marmaduke Dallas, salvatore liggin, refugio roswick, cyrus zaffuto, Vxjyarvzzhshm, Ãðèãîðüåâ È.Ñ., and Valerie {LASNAME}. That last one slays me. If you can't be bothered to properly link your super-duper last-name file (containing gems like Wang, Dallas, and zaffuto) to your spam-generating engine, you might want to consider a less intellectually-demanding line of "work." Panhandling, perhaps.

A spam subject line admonishes: "Avoid critical or shaming statements." A couple hours later: "Fast solution to your problems in a bed!"

Finally, why would anyone think that the following subject lines constitute a viable hook to a product or service?

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Yes, yes, I know that they're "trying to get past the spam filters." To which I point out: (1) They didn't get past the spam filters. I found them in my spam folder. (2) Word-salad in the subject line screams "I am spam!"

Look at it another way: have you ever heard a radio or television ad start out by blurting "Hoboken counterargument inexpert prague" et cetera? Could it be because that doesn't work well?