Thursday, May 26, 2005

We got Jacked

The radio idiocy devolution that was 105.1 "The Buzz" (WBZU) has reached its primordial blob endpoint as WCHY "Charlie" FM. I have disgustedly tracked WBZU's decline via personal email rants for years. The reason I had taken any interest at all in the station was because of their once-exclusive devotion to 80's hits. Their haste to abandon a pure eighties format and obstinate refusal to ever backtrack from their compounding programming missteps earned my undying scorn.

Format-wise, WBZU had pretty much completed its transformation to the new, faddish Variety Hits by February. The call-letter change this month just formalized things. The ridiculous "Charlie" moniker is part of the format: Variety Hits is known as the "Jack format." As this newsletter explains:
The JACK format debuted in Vancouver, B.C., three years ago, but in the U.S. it began on 105.5 FM in Denver a year ago on April 14. The format was created by Bob Perry and named after his radio alias, "Cadillac Jack" Garrett...
Apparently it is mandatory that every station of that format be a Jack, Joe, Dave, Doug, or some such. This site has a rather extensive listing of the spreading plague.

The mercy killing of 105.1 was announced in a chirpy, upbeat manner:
Eighties-formatted WBZU (The Buzz) made the move at 1pm today, becoming "105-1 Charlie FM," with the slogan "We play anything!"
Most of what you need to know about what was wrong with WBZU can be mined from that one sentence. I would sooner call Michael Jackson "child-safe" than I would have called the remaining, gutted shell of BZU "eighties-formatted." As early as 2002, less than two years into their existence, The Buzz was losing its focus, playing "The eighties, and more!"

The absurd conceit in play here can be described as follows: First is the notion that in order to get a solid listening bloc among age demographic X, you have to play music spanning time period Y, with the spread of years covered by X and Y being comparable. By itself, that's a perfectly reasonable notion. The problematic, follow-up notion is that X can be as large as a 20-year bloc, or that Y can span any contiguous set of years seamlessly. Combine these ideas and suddenly we have asininity on stilts. In my opinion, there are some pop music boundaries that are unbridgeable. The beginning of the video music era is one such boundary. The onset of the grunge era is another.

Consequently, The Buzz crafted atrocious playlists that had eighties standards rolled in with Margaritaville, Lying Eyes, The Boys are Back in Town, and Crazy Love (Buffet, Eagles, Thin Lizzy, Poco respectively). Unwilling to limit themselves to straddling just one gigantic musical gulf, they also played Melissa Etheridge, Hootie and the Blowfish, and other contemporary pop. I feel a little bit sorry for the poor on-air bastards that had to cue such jarring lineups, but if a guy is unwilling to take a stand and say "I will not in any way segue from Billy Idol into Deep Blue Something," then really he's become part of the problem.

The fact that management, as late as this year, persisted in calling WBZU "eighties-formatted" just confirms their cluelessness and denial of how far they had drifted and how thoroughly they corrupted the original concept. Quite obviously, the trend toward "we play anything," has been there at least three years already, chipping away at the station's identity before it had matured, and assuring that a reliable listener base would never take root.

Mandatory sensitivity training

The company I work for is having another spasm of "mandatory sensitivity training." It has been awhile since we've been subjected to the sensitivity schtick. If one were cynical, one might note the utter absence of sensitivity training during the years that budgets were tight and the company's survival was on the line. But perhaps everyone just naturally becomes more sensitive (and requires no additional training) when budgets are tight. (There is a similar dynamic that keeps all of our scientific instruments in calibration until money becomes available.)

Anyway, would it suffice to point out that I have already been subjected to the sensitivity training? I have been trained! Isn't retraining redundant, a waste of my time and company resources? Apparently not, because the sessions are mandatory for everyone, regardless of previous indoctr... er, "training."

From the fact that we must be re-trained, some questions naturally arise. Is the retraining due to shortcomings or a lack of competence on the part of the initial trainer? If not, then it must be that "insensitivity" is the natural state of mankind, to which we revert after some period of years. Where might I find the study, published in a peer-reviewed scientific journal, documenting the employee time-sensitivity decay curve? Are there any other variables (such as budgets, see above) that influence this falloff in sensitivity? It would seem that awareness of these variables might allow us to schedule future training more effectively.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Three days of spam

It is time for another spam folder roundup!

My banking information is woefully out of date. My SouthTrust account information needs to be updated. I am told that my PayPal account has been "limited" and "suspended," both events occurring within 40 minutes of one another. Not surprisingly, I'm on my "final warning" -- again -- from eBay. Oddly enough, in the face of all of this astounding neglect on my part, nothing actually seems to ever happen my accounts.

According to the spam I need drugs, deeply discounted software, a lower loan rate, and hot stock tips. I have learned that "Barons [sic] issues strong bi [sic]." This is either an attempt to tout a stock or a tabloid report on British royals. It's hard to tell.

I am receiving spam from Catalina Chung, Humphry Wang, Marmaduke Dallas, salvatore liggin, refugio roswick, cyrus zaffuto, Vxjyarvzzhshm, Ãðèãîðüåâ È.Ñ., and Valerie {LASNAME}. That last one slays me. If you can't be bothered to properly link your super-duper last-name file (containing gems like Wang, Dallas, and zaffuto) to your spam-generating engine, you might want to consider a less intellectually-demanding line of "work." Panhandling, perhaps.

A spam subject line admonishes: "Avoid critical or shaming statements." A couple hours later: "Fast solution to your problems in a bed!"

Finally, why would anyone think that the following subject lines constitute a viable hook to a product or service?
blonde thyronine baptismal fortunate girlie doorknob
hoboken counterargument inexpert prague awake cedar
Yes, yes, I know that they're "trying to get past the spam filters." To which I point out: (1) They didn't get past the spam filters. I found them in my spam folder. (2) Word-salad in the subject line screams "I am spam!"

Look at it another way: have you ever heard a radio or television ad start out by blurting "Hoboken counterargument inexpert prague" et cetera? Could it be because that doesn't work well?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Gasoline prices

News reporting on gasoline prices is like Entertainment Weekly writing about the latest blockbuster movie: whatever's happening now is the biggest thing ever, more expensive than Cleopatra and grossing higher than Gone With the Wind. When the movie industry refuses to acknowledge inflation in its comparisons, we generally understand that it's for the sake of hype and promotion. When the news does it though, sometimes people miss the hype aspect and instead think we're in a Crisis, which of course means that the government needs to Do Something.

First, let's get out our apple and at least try to compare it to another apple. The current U.S. average price for regular unleaded (at the pump) is $2.236 per gallon. The major historical post-WWII price peak is unquestionably the period from 1979 to 1981. In 1981, the consumer price index was about half what it is today, putting the price then at about $2.69 a gallon in inflation-adjusted dollars. Furthermore, it has been pointed out to me that we are considerably wealthier now a generation later, even in inflation-adjusted terms, which implies that gasoline is not as big a part of the average family's budget as it once was. In economic lingo, "energy use per dollar of gross domestic product" has declined by more than one-third since 1980.

To people who remember the seventies, this should make intuitive sense. Back then, there was a broad shift into more fuel-efficient vehicles that reflected the significant impact of the higher prices on people's budget choices. These days there is also a shift into new, efficient vehicles, but it is qualitatively different in that people are doing it "for the environment" rather than for their wallets. I have yet to meet the person who has purchased one of these twenty thousand dollar road-gerbils (e.g. Toyota Prius) and justified it solely on financial grounds. As a corollary I will note that I am not seeing a falloff among SUV and light truck drivership, which one would expect if gasoline prices were creating widespread fiscal woes.

Additionally, I would like to cite an anecdotal indicator. Anybody remember locking gas caps? My family purchased and used a number of them in the early 80s after somebody siphoned gas from one of our cars when it was parked in our own driveway. The thief used a cheap garden hose as a siphon, leaving disintegrating fragments of rubber as his calling card. Anyway, the absense of a resurgence in locking gasoline caps strikes me as an anecdotal indicator that the value of gasoline now is still considerably lower than the value it attained in 1981.

Even so, I understand and accept that the cost of gasoline is higher than recent historical averages. When I have to pay sixty dollars more per month as compared to two years ago to do the same amount of driving, I do notice it. But is this relevant to anything the government could or should do in the near term? From my perspective, that depends on whether or not the government is creating the problem of higher prices in the first place. When it is, I'd generally prefer that the government knock it off. When it isn't, I'd generally prefer to allow market forces to bring things back in line.

Consider on one hand the issue of "boutique fuels," a slang name for special, federally-mandated gasoline formulations in certain ozone "non-attainment areas" (southeast Wisconsin being one regional example). This topic alone could be the subject of numerous argumentative blog postings, but there seems to be little question that these special reformulations (being of lower volume in production) are far more prone to price spikes due to supply disruptions or demand miscalculations. Over the years this has resulted in hundreds upon hundreds of millions of dollars in additional cost for people to drive, all for a supposed environmental benefit that I would call "elusive" at best. This, I believe, is one place where the government could do good for both citizens and gas prices by stopping its meddling.

The subject of drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is another that tends to arise in conjunction with oil price discussions, but it's almost a non-sequitur in that it will take years for that production to ramp up enough to put a dent in prices. I think it's a fine place to get oil from, and I'd rather have Alaskans receiving my petrol dollars than Prince Akhmed (Inuits not figuring prominently on al-Qaeda's donor lists), but the issue is just not relevant to near-term price concerns.

What about cutbacks or suspensions of state and federal gas taxes? This is an idea that sounds straightforward, but is actually fraught with twists, turns, and unintended consequences. The current federal gasoline tax is 18.4 cents per gallon, and Wisconsin's tax is now up to 32.9 cents per gallon as of April 2005 (segregated into a 29.9 cent portion and a 3.0 cent portion, the latter of which is slated for environmental cleanup of petroleum-contaminated lands). A break in state gas taxes would actually result in a direct reduction in prices at the pump; of that I am reasonably certain. The only thing to worry about in that case is whether the state legislature would simply forego that tax revenue and spend less money (dubious), or whether they'd instead find a way to tax you from a different angle.

With federal taxes on the other hand, a tax reduction would probably result in little or no price reduction at the pump. Why is that? Unlike instituting a price break that would affect only Wisconsin motorists, a gas tax reduction nationwide would result in a nationwide demand rebound, which would raise the price back up, and the price would be at equilibrium again pretty much where it was before the tax break. Put another way, the U.S. Treasury would simply be transferring what used to be tax dollars into oil company profits. That's not necessarily a bad thing in the long term, but there is no short-term benefit to the driving public, and we were talking about the short term here.

If one accepts that gasoline taxes are a prudent and legitimate way for the government to raise money from us, does the abovementioned price dynamic suggest an optimal policy over longer periods? Though it strikes me as counterintuitive, times of high prices may be the best time for a federal gasoline tax to be increased. There are several reasons for this: (1) The times of high prices are when the oil companies earn larger profits. Siphoning off money from oil companies to the government is less harmful at such a time. (2) The times of high prices correspond to the periods when fewer gallons get sold. Raising the per-gallon tax flattens out gas tax revenues year to year. (3) If there is any spillover at all of the increased tax to the pump price (and there should be little, if any), such increase would merely reinforce the market dynamic, at least on the demand side. (Admittedly, the supply-side in this case is not at full advantage because some of the profit dollars for increasing exploration and production are being redirected to the government).

Of course, implementing such a policy also demands that the tax be reduced when there are oil gluts. The tax reduction would be for the reciprocal reasons: that the oil companies are seeing lean times, overall revenues are rising on more gallons being sold, and so forth. I will dryly note though that historically, governments have been less than trustworthy in maintaining any uniform level of taxation over the long term. Also, I cannot readily envision a populace that would support their lawmakers as they raised gas taxes during times of already high prices. Hence this policy concept is entirely whimsical, ready for implementation on Planet Never.

Dubious fast-food milestone

The spouse and I were out Sunday procuring much-needed tools and hardware for home maintenance, and so stopped for a late lunch at Burger King. In an ongoing effort not to eat complete crap twenty-four-seven, I ordered the BK Veggie, and so did my wife. This time though I did ask to try cheese on the sandwich.

Upon sitting down to eat, I discovered that not only did I have cheese on my BK Veggie, but also...

"Say, hon'? Does your veggie burger have bacon on it?" Now if your first thoughts are anything like mine were, you're thinking, "Mmmmmm... free bacon..." And I'm not saying that the bacon made the burger less enjoyable. No, siree! It was actually very good. But it kind of -- oh, how to put this -- defeated the purpose of having a BK Veggie in the first place. And what exactly was going through the mind of the dedicated Burger King employee when putting bacon on the Veggie sandwich? Anything at all?

Depending on your perspective, the sandwich maker should either be reprimanded or deserves some kind of award for innovation. I haven't quite decided yet.